Monday, 7 December 2009

What a load of rubbish

Is there a lower form of life anywhere on earth than those Neanderthal morons who work at the local tip? Never in all my life have I encountered such an ignorant, rude and condescending collective waste of breath. What’s amazing is that they are exactly the same wherever you happen to live. It’s as if they have to go through a rigorous training programme to become a fully qualified household waste recycling cretin. Just this Sunday I was witness to a perfectly pleasant man, who politely asked where he should dispose of his waste. To see the expression on the face of the little Hitler by the skip, you would have thought the man had asked if he could sodomise his daughter.

Should any tip employees happen to read this, or have it read aloud to them by their carer, can I just say, ‘we are all literate you know?’ When we walk past the clearly labelled signs reading ‘wood. Paper. Metals’ etc and ask for your advice on where to dispose of our old piece of furniture, we know it doesn’t belong in the garden waste container. However we want to be certain which is the correct container to put it in.  It might be, for instance, that we believe that Granny’s old armchair may have been made from an open cell flexible polyurethane foam, and there is potentially more than one option. What we don’t need is your eyes rolling in despair at our sheer stupidity before whispering a mumbled answer that no mere mortal could possibly hear, thus forcing us to ask the question again, which somehow gives you permission to scream with barely concealed rage “NUMBER TWELVE MATE! NUMBER TWWWEEEELVVVE!” Obviously your closest colleague will then look to the sky with disbelief at our foolishness in an act of camaraderie amongst gits.

Surely everybody’s experience would be significantly improved if members of this hideous breed were to remove the two enormous chips from their shoulders and accept that it is not our fault that they spend their days up to their elbows in rubbish. I dare say it’s not the best way to spend your working career, but it was their choice and trying to belittle everybody else who enters their domain doesn’t hide the fact that it is done because they so wish they were doing something else. In much the same way that the school bullies always pick on the clever kids, this bunch of bleached hair sporting, earring wearing, tattoo adorned monkeys try to intimidate those higher up the food chain than themselves i.e. everybody else.

May I suggest there is a government cull of these offences to human nature and we dump them all in one enormous container called ‘Waste of space.’?

No comments:

Post a Comment